Akos, I am so impressed by your writing. Blending such a vulnerable moment in your life with a film review creates a piece of writing that is more than the sum of its parts. It elevates it to something that resonates in lovely and poignant way. Thank you for sharing it with us. As an aside. How do you say “I love you” in Hungarian?
A beautiful essay about one of my favorite films. I saw this in the 80's when I was a teenager. It had a profound impact on me. Around that time, my mother had a mental breakdown. It was very shocking to me. I think I was very immature. A part of me blamed my mother for the pain that my love for her caused me. I realized I was vulnerable. I didn't know what to do with those feelings that I know I was not supposed to feel.
My mother was a teacher. After the initial episode, my mother was diagnosed with depression. She stayed at home for a month. But after just a week, she was doing the house chores, preparing dinner, by herself. My father would come home after work to his usual routine. Sit on the sofa, watch tv, waiting for dinner. And I realized, for the first time, that underneath our perfect family, there was dysfunction. It made me value my mother in a way I had never realized. It made me become more helpful and attentive. To value my mother more. She is a wonderful 80 year old lady now, and I love her immensely.
Anyway, going back to Ordinary People, what I love about it is the way it portrays that subterranean dysfunction that can exist in a seemingly perfect family. At the core of it is Beth, wonderfully portrayed by Mary Tyler Moore. The thing about Beth is that she is unable to mourn the death of her favorite son. And, as Calvin states at some point, if you can't feel pain, you can't feel anything else.
There is a brilliant scene in the end, when Beth goes up to the room to make her luggage, to leave. And, for a brief moment, she is overcome with emotion. Something she is unable to process. For a second, there is hope. But she does what she has been doing all along. She freezes, and suppresses all the feelings she has inside.
It is horrifying to watch, but I believe this is a hopeful scene. To me, the film is open ended. Maybe her marriage with Calvin can be saved. But she must go through that process. She needs to confront those powerful feelings, and she is unable to do it alone. But the fact that those feelings are there is a light in the apparent darkness she has surrounded herself with.
Ordinary People may seem like a conventional film, it its appearance, but it is a brilliant portrait of love, life and human relations. Thank you for reminding me.
First of all, thank you for sharing this with me. To witness all that as a kid, it must've been terrifying and excruciatingly painful. But I'm glad that your mother managed to get through it and recover. You're lucky to have her, even if that sounds strange in this context.
Yes, you might be right about that scene with Beth. She does feel Calvin's words, even if it takes a few minutes until they fully register. But as you said, she does what she always do and suppress them as fast as she can. There's a tiny bit of hope, and the ending does leave the door open for a potential reconciliation. Personally, however, I think that Calvin knows that it's a bit too late to save their relationship. When he sees her freeze as Conrad gives her a hug out of nowhere toward the end, that's when his decision to first confront and then leave her becomes final. It's like he inherently knows that she won't change but gives it one last try, anyway (the scene where he cries in the dark).
It's a beautiful, if emotionally heavy, film and I'm glad that I finally got around to watch it. A true classic that deserves all the accolades, no doubt.
Akos, I am so impressed by your writing. Blending such a vulnerable moment in your life with a film review creates a piece of writing that is more than the sum of its parts. It elevates it to something that resonates in lovely and poignant way. Thank you for sharing it with us. As an aside. How do you say “I love you” in Hungarian?
Thank you, Alexis. That means more to me than you imagine.
Haha, I doubt you can pronounce it, but "I love you" in Hungarian is "Szeretlek."
Yeaaahhhh. Can you let us know how that goes phonetically?
Umm, in writing that would be a bit tricky.
But here’s a link that should help: https://forvo.com/word/szeretlek/
I wasn’t even close.
Lol. Don’t sweat it, it’s a bonkers language.
A beautiful essay about one of my favorite films. I saw this in the 80's when I was a teenager. It had a profound impact on me. Around that time, my mother had a mental breakdown. It was very shocking to me. I think I was very immature. A part of me blamed my mother for the pain that my love for her caused me. I realized I was vulnerable. I didn't know what to do with those feelings that I know I was not supposed to feel.
My mother was a teacher. After the initial episode, my mother was diagnosed with depression. She stayed at home for a month. But after just a week, she was doing the house chores, preparing dinner, by herself. My father would come home after work to his usual routine. Sit on the sofa, watch tv, waiting for dinner. And I realized, for the first time, that underneath our perfect family, there was dysfunction. It made me value my mother in a way I had never realized. It made me become more helpful and attentive. To value my mother more. She is a wonderful 80 year old lady now, and I love her immensely.
Anyway, going back to Ordinary People, what I love about it is the way it portrays that subterranean dysfunction that can exist in a seemingly perfect family. At the core of it is Beth, wonderfully portrayed by Mary Tyler Moore. The thing about Beth is that she is unable to mourn the death of her favorite son. And, as Calvin states at some point, if you can't feel pain, you can't feel anything else.
There is a brilliant scene in the end, when Beth goes up to the room to make her luggage, to leave. And, for a brief moment, she is overcome with emotion. Something she is unable to process. For a second, there is hope. But she does what she has been doing all along. She freezes, and suppresses all the feelings she has inside.
It is horrifying to watch, but I believe this is a hopeful scene. To me, the film is open ended. Maybe her marriage with Calvin can be saved. But she must go through that process. She needs to confront those powerful feelings, and she is unable to do it alone. But the fact that those feelings are there is a light in the apparent darkness she has surrounded herself with.
Ordinary People may seem like a conventional film, it its appearance, but it is a brilliant portrait of love, life and human relations. Thank you for reminding me.
First of all, thank you for sharing this with me. To witness all that as a kid, it must've been terrifying and excruciatingly painful. But I'm glad that your mother managed to get through it and recover. You're lucky to have her, even if that sounds strange in this context.
Yes, you might be right about that scene with Beth. She does feel Calvin's words, even if it takes a few minutes until they fully register. But as you said, she does what she always do and suppress them as fast as she can. There's a tiny bit of hope, and the ending does leave the door open for a potential reconciliation. Personally, however, I think that Calvin knows that it's a bit too late to save their relationship. When he sees her freeze as Conrad gives her a hug out of nowhere toward the end, that's when his decision to first confront and then leave her becomes final. It's like he inherently knows that she won't change but gives it one last try, anyway (the scene where he cries in the dark).
It's a beautiful, if emotionally heavy, film and I'm glad that I finally got around to watch it. A true classic that deserves all the accolades, no doubt.